How does behaviorism in psychology apply to how I've become who I am today?
I have reason to believe that the cause for certain sounds and movements giving me anxiety is due to association with negative experiences that have developed over time. The drawing of headphones is to represent how I cover those sounds with music, which I tend to do every moment I'm out of the house. Due to the lack of research over it (as it isn't well-known or common), I've had to self-diagnose myself with misophonia (also known as 4S) and misokinesia (something often forming alongside misophonia). Misophonia literally translates to hatred of sound just as misokinesia translates to hatred of movement. My personal experience with the two is that I get either really anxious or angry as a reaction to certain sounds (which for me includes any form of repetitive tapping/clapping/stomping/ect., any form of audible lip smacking while eating/chewing and various other things) as well as a reaction to certain movements (which includes seeing any repetitive tapping/clapping/stomping/ect.). The reaction to these can depend on my length of exposure to them, where the longer the time results in the higher the emotion. Usually I will get anxious as a response, slowly becoming unable to breathe properly, my throat becoming tighter, feeling cold or hot (both if anxious long enough), the flesh on my hands starts to burn and crack, my mind becomes foggy, I become twitchy in an attempt to release the energy and/or mimic it in hopes that when I stop the movement/sounds will also stop. Sometimes I will become angry instead, wishing to stop the source by any means necessary (quickly becoming violent as I can't even think to ask for it to stop due to how intense and immediate it is, my mind becomes plagued with wishes I'd never have otherwise), I'm not at a severe enough state to act on them so I'll usually sit and boil, becoming anxious at the extent of anger I feel before I sit there and crumble under how horrible I feel for even thinking anything vicious. If I can't find a way to plug my ears and/or turn my gaze away, I'll proceed to be haunted by symptom after symptom and likely just keep spiraling until freed from whatever is causing the feeling long enough that I can calm myself. That is why I decided to trace and color a picture of headphones, they are a tool to protect myself from these sounds when needed.
The reason I believe this applies to behaviorism is that in the past there have been negative experiences happening when repetitive sounds occur. The moment I read of how Ivan Pavlov 's study of classical conditioning and how John B. Watson defined unconditioned and conditioned stimulus I thought of this. I haven't proven this is exactly what happened, I really doubt I could, but I have an excessively energetic sibling who constantly makes these sounds, we would always end up fighting because of how much they annoyed me (verbally mostly but occassionally physically for a moment as if we were both 5-year-olds). This happened for many years, on and off, usually they would do it because they knew it would cause this reaction. There was a while where this was a constant, any time we interacted this would be the case. Not long after I found one day in sophomore year when I was sat at the back and a couple people near me were shaking their legs and pencil tapping. I quickly snapped, an intense rage falling over me as I sat there wondering what the heck was wrong with me, I tried to block it with earbuds, I didn't think to look elsewhere until I was staring at my desk in tears as waves of adrenaline fell over me. It continued to happen, every time, any time. It tormented me how I couldn't do anything as I'd be in trouble for listening to music or how I couldn't look away, how I'd be seen as lazy for sitting there in overwhelming emotion, how I couldn't look at the board because there were so many people in front of me, how I'd be on my phone to distract myself from the fear this might happen again. So many chances to lose it. I stopped caring, I stopped focusing, I stopped being able to do anything. A monotonously painful cycle. I don't blame the person who I believe caused it, I don't have proof. I don't need proof, if I did I wouldn't be any more mad at them, it wouldn't do anything to change the condition I'm in. The timing for which this happened feels so matching that I can't help but believe it's correlating and not just coincidental.
The reason I believe this applies to behaviorism is that in the past there have been negative experiences happening when repetitive sounds occur. The moment I read of how Ivan Pavlov 's study of classical conditioning and how John B. Watson defined unconditioned and conditioned stimulus I thought of this. I haven't proven this is exactly what happened, I really doubt I could, but I have an excessively energetic sibling who constantly makes these sounds, we would always end up fighting because of how much they annoyed me (verbally mostly but occassionally physically for a moment as if we were both 5-year-olds). This happened for many years, on and off, usually they would do it because they knew it would cause this reaction. There was a while where this was a constant, any time we interacted this would be the case. Not long after I found one day in sophomore year when I was sat at the back and a couple people near me were shaking their legs and pencil tapping. I quickly snapped, an intense rage falling over me as I sat there wondering what the heck was wrong with me, I tried to block it with earbuds, I didn't think to look elsewhere until I was staring at my desk in tears as waves of adrenaline fell over me. It continued to happen, every time, any time. It tormented me how I couldn't do anything as I'd be in trouble for listening to music or how I couldn't look away, how I'd be seen as lazy for sitting there in overwhelming emotion, how I couldn't look at the board because there were so many people in front of me, how I'd be on my phone to distract myself from the fear this might happen again. So many chances to lose it. I stopped caring, I stopped focusing, I stopped being able to do anything. A monotonously painful cycle. I don't blame the person who I believe caused it, I don't have proof. I don't need proof, if I did I wouldn't be any more mad at them, it wouldn't do anything to change the condition I'm in. The timing for which this happened feels so matching that I can't help but believe it's correlating and not just coincidental.